I Nigel Jones categorically deny the rumours that I might be the next UK minister of transport.
Any rumours you might hear to the contrary are completely exaggerated and false. I don't partake in the election cycle except in my capacity as Nigel Jones - registered voter
If I was minister of transport:-
'Two jags' (two chins) would quickly become 'two bikes' ;-) He's a gravitationally challenged and horizontally exaggerated person (politically correct 'newspeak' meaning overweight) who's body mass index must be well in excess of 40 making him a prime candidate for some areobic exercise!
South Gloucestershire Council would put the cycle path back how they found it. (Same goes for Zetland Rd, the city centre, and the top of Two Mile Hill!)
Pipe smokers, hat wearers and mobile telephone users would be banned from driving cars.
Jeremy Clarkson wouldn't be allowed to ride about in anything more powerful than a Sinclair C5! And Ken Livingstone would be trotting along in front of the C5. Proudly waving his red flag high - to warn the general public about the approach of a slightly irritating journalist.
Mostly I leave the politics to the politicians, although employment is currently a big issue