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Alien Traffic Cone Invaders From The Planet Ring Road
Traffic cones: Are they just cheap plastic crap, strewn around the roads and highways of England by the Council? Or are they a sinister race of extraterrestrial aliens on a mission, to bring the planet Earth to a standstill?
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The True Alien Nature Of Road ConesTo the left is a rare picture that shows the true origin and nature of road cones. Far from being cute conical characters, they are actually an evil race of deadly invaders from outer space who are developing weapons of mass destruction and stealth technology and are hell bent on world domination. |
The Invasion Of Planet Earth Begins
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Like any army of occupation the extraterrestrial invasion force knows that the first step is to destroy the enemies communications. The essence of good camouflage is to keep very still. Alien Cones are very good at this. Mostly they favour the defensive military formation known as "the thin red line", sometimes they employ more aggressive tactics. |
Alien Cone Sex and Reproduction
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Very little is known for sure about the sexual habits of road cones. The picture on the right is believed to be a pair of Cones mating. We can deduce from this evidence that male cones have the characteristic white reflective band around the middle. Females do not. Also Cone soldiers are mainly male, much like soldiers on Earth.
The dark markings around the base of the female are assumed to indicate that she is on heat. Sometimes lots of traffic cones gather for a sex orgy. |
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How Can We Rid The Planet Of The Evil Traffic Cone Menace?
Cones are known to be very gregarious creatures. A Cone alone will always seek the company of other cones. This can be rather difficult if you can only move around when no one is looking! Consequently a number of casualties have occurred (see below). It is possible that a cone that is deprived of the company of other Cones for long enough will simply die of coneliness.
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Dead Alien Invaders?
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But are the evil invaders pictured above really dead? It could be that they are just resting, or simply pining for outer space. They could be simply tired and shagged out after a long bonk. Cone mating rituals have been observed to last for weeks! Perhaps they are just dormant. If so watch out because one false move, or possibly one predetermined signal from the flying saucer and voom!Suddenly the cute and inanimate cones pictured above become activated. The deadly metamorphosis begins and the evil invader changes into........ Cone The Destroyer |
Conical Quotes Of Our Time"You are never alone with a Cone" - Ian Jarrett"The only good Cone is a dead Cone" - Antonio Amato "I know... Its road block and roll.. But I like it" - The Rolling Cones "A Cone is for life, not just for Christmas" - RSPCA (Royal Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Aliens) "The only good Cone is an ice cream cone" - Nigel Jones |
More Evidence Of Evil Alien Traffic Cone Aggression
Traffic Cone Weapons of Mass Destruction
Traffic Cone WMD Distribution System
Traffic Cone World Domination
Traffic Cone Invasion |
Rules of Traffic Cone Invasion
Stealth Cones
Traffic Cone Anatomy
Traffic Cone Tardis
Traffic Cones Attack Policeman
Traffic Cones Building Super Gun
Martian landings on the Bristol to Bath Cycle Path
Alien landings on Siston Common
Aliens ride bicycles too
George Michael Cone'd again
Links To Other Traffic Cone Sites
See Also
Traffic Cone Torture
Rocket Propelled Cones
Transport Minister
"Traffic Cone Expert"
Smart Cones
Traffic Cone Abacus
Traffic Cone OXO
Conical Characters
Weapons Emporium (Weapons to exterminate Cones with)
Cyclists Jokes
Musical Humor
The Bristol & Bath Cycle Path
Cone Circle
Cone The Destroyer T Shirts
Weather Prediction Cones
Complaints
Alien cone counter
for those who trust such things