Traffic Cones from the planet ring road EXTERMINATE!
Alien Dalek Traffic Cones from the planet ring road EXTERMINATE!

Traffic Cone Anatomy

Internal workings of Stealth Traffic Cone - click the cones base to learn more about Stealth Cones Stealth Traffic Cones Base - Photography by Nigel Jones

It isn't known if this Stealth Cone is on its side because it is dead or simply resting after a long protracted bout of conical terrorism. Perhaps it was killed by passing vigilante cyclists, perhaps it just died of coneliness. Perhaps it is simply attempting to remain inconspicuous by pretending to be dead. Maybe it was killed by the other cones because its invisibility device has malfunctioned and they wish to ensure that it doesn't reveal the cones world domination plans if it gets captured and tortured. (However I have heard anecdotal evidence from some concerned citizens with experience of torturing captured Traffic Cones that they are "tough little plothermuckers who NEVER talk").

Anyhow Nigel 'Scoop Photographer' Jones got off his bike and took the opportunity to photograph of the Traffic Cones undercarriage in the expectation of finding some alien technology, rocket thrusters, or at least some miniature weapons of mass destruction. He found that beneath that dark cone shaped exterior lurks a sinister dark cone shaped orifice.

The inside of the cone is completely empty! [gasp]. Apparently the traffic cones aren't crammed with electronics and high tech, no sign of WMD's or rocket propulsion either! In fact nothing at all inside the cone, not even any give away traces of rocket fuel.

There are a number of theories to explain the conical void within the interior of traffic cones:

  1. The orifice is to enable council road workers to stack the cones tidily [yawn]
  2. It is essential for traffic cone sexual activities and reproduction
  3. It is where the traffic cones store fuel for the rocket thrusters, and this was used up when the cone landed
  4. It is where the traffic cones carry their weapons of mass destruction and the crafty cone has hidden its WMD's somewhere along the cycle track.
  5. It is where the traffic cones carry their weapons of mass destruction and the crafty cone is still carrying a full payload which is still invisible because the traffic cones super stealth anti radar low visibility technology is still partially functional
Obviously the first theory (easy stacking by council road workers) can be instantly discredited on the grounds that it is dull and boring. Also its far too obvious and sensible to be credible indeed its exactly what the cones want you to believe! The remaining theories all have fairly equal credibility though so the purpose of the orifice remains the subject of speculation and debate.

The Hole At The Road Cones Point

The astute observers amongst you will notice that there is an additional smaller hole at the point of the cone. This feature is also commonly found in common or garden Traffic Cones (Communus Trafficconeicus). There are a number of possible explanations for this:
  1. The cones are mass produced in big traffic cone factories. The hole is an artefact remaining from the injection moulding process that is used in the manufacture of plastic traffic cones. [yawn]
  2. It is some kind of gun sight used for targeting a weapon of mass destruction (WMD).
  3. The nozzle at the top of the cone is an integral part of the Cones WMD distribution system for poison gas
  4. It is some kind of air vent for the traffic cones rocket thrusters
  5. It exists to allow communications cones to extend an ariel and communicate with other cones, the mother ship, the cones base or perhaps the transmitter is even powerful enough to reach the cones home planet (the planet 'Ring Road')
The first explanation (mass production by injection moulding) can be discredited on the grounds that it is far too plausible. Likewise the air vent and gun sight theories can be discredited due to lack of evidence and because they are difficult to illustrate. Clearly the communications and poison gas theories are clear winners!

Cone The Communicator
Traffic Cone transmitting radio signals back to base - Conical character created by Nigel Jones Cone The Communicator is a Traffic Cone with fully extended antenna transmitting radio signals to other road traffic cones, back to base, to the mother ship or perhaps even to the planet Ring Road. The exact nature of these conical communications remains unclear. There are some unsubstantiated reports of radio amateurs intercepting the signals but the cones are using strong encryption. Nobody has yet managed to decrypt the messages or crack the encryption codes and there doesn't appear to be a back door key to facilitate government snooping. Cone The Communicator transmitting radio signals back to base - Conical character created by Nigel Jones

See Also
Stealth Cones Invade Cycle Path
Electrocute A Cone
The Evil Alien Traffic Cones from the planet Ring Road
Traffic Cones Invade The Earth!
Traffic Cones World Domination Plans
Martian landings on the Bristol to Bath Cycle Path
Alien landings on Siston Common
The Bristol & Bath Cycle Path
The Killer Frog Of Fishponds
Aliens ride bicycles too
Weapons Emporium
Weapons Grade Horse Shit
Cyclists Jokes
Cyclists Tips

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