Traffic Cones from the planet ring road EXTERMINATE!
Alien Dalek Traffic Cones from the planet ring road EXTERMINATE!

Traffic Cone Torture

Road Cone Torture Highway Cone Torture
Road Cone Torture Traffic Cone Torture - watch the evil cone glow! Highway Cone Torture
Road Cone Torture Tortured road cone

This evil alien traffic cone has apparently been captured by a marauding peloton of riders from the Cyclists Resistance Movement (CRM). As you can see (the camera never lies!) it has been cruelly impaled on a fence post. To add to its humiliation, sadistic sensory depravation techniques are being employed - its point has been covered with a plastic bag. Electrical wires have been connected to the Traffic Cones base. The other end of the wires (not shown to protect the identity of the CRM rider who is "just following orders") has been connected up to a high power bicycle dynamo.

Click the power switch to electrocute the cone
Electrocute The Traffic Cone
Using the magic of internet software we have installed a remote power switch in your web browser. Now everyone can join in the fun! Flip the power switch to electrocute the cone! Make the traffic cone reveal its world domination ambitions and strike a blow for freedom and democracy!

The Geneva convention states that prisoners should be humanely treated and not subjected to torture, or exhibited for propaganda purposes. However the cones are believed to have constructed a WMD factory in Lancashire and stockpiles of WMD might have been hidden on the Bristol to Bath cycle path, where they are also believed to be building a supergun. Intelligence suggests that the Traffic Cones are an evil race of aliens from the planet ring road on a quest for world domination. They are believed to have WMD, anti radar stealth technology, flying saucers and even a Tardis. They must be stopped before the full scale invasion starts and they bring the planet to a standstill. Its important to get the cone to talk but so far (after endless hours of electrical torture) the cone remains silent. Could this mean there aren't any WMD on the cycle track? Nah! Cones are tough little plothermuckers. But ve have vays of making zem talk..... eventually. And if the cone doesn't talk? Then for a finale traffic cones will go "woof" if you pour some petrol over them and start playing with matches!

Traffic Cones are not entitled to the protection of the Geneva Convention because:

  1. Conical terrorists do not have POW status.
  2. The Traffic Cones have not signed the Geneva convention
  3. Traffic Cones are stateless
  4. Traffic Cones aren't officially recognised as proper life forms - merely cheap plastic crap.
  5. The Traffic Cones haven't complained - they haven't said anything!
  6. The traffic cones have not formally declared war.

A spokesman for CRM has denied any involvement in torturing traffic cones:
"The Cyclists Resistance Movement is a highly trained, well disciplined unit not just a marauding peloton of bicycle freaks! If the photographs are genuine, and if they really were filmed on location on the Bristol to Bath Cycle Path: Then the tortures must have been carried out by civilian contractors acting on their own initiative. Besides we do not need to torture traffic cones in the UK because we can sub-contract this to eastern Europe"

See Also
Anatomy of a Stealth Cone
Stealth Cones
The Evil Alien Traffic Cones from the planet Ring Road
Traffic Cones Weapons of Mass Destruction
Traffic Cone Invasion
Traffic Cones World Domination Plans
Martian landings on the Bristol to Bath Cycle Path
Alien landings on Siston Common
Traffic Cone Sex
Traffic Cone Abacus
Traffic Cones Building Supergun
The Bristol To Bath Cycle Path
The Cone Circle
Ttaffic Cone Tardis
The Killer Frog Of Fishponds
Weapons To Hurt Traffic Cones With
Traffic Cones Attack Policeman
Cyclists Jokes
Cyclists Tips
Links To Other Traffic Cone Sites

External Links
Amnesty International | Red Cross

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